Dependent Personality Disorder

Dependent Personality Disorder is a mental disorder in which people become emotionally dependent on other people and spend great effort trying to please others. They tend to display needy, passive, and clinging behaviour, and have a fear of separation. Other common characteristics of this personality disorder include: Inability to make decisions(They always want assurance from others),avoid responsibilities by acting helpless, they are very sensitive to criticism,they are pessimistic and has lack of confidence,they are unable to start work because of a lack of self-confidence,feel difficult being alone, they are always willing to be mis treated.

If we arrange a get together in a stadium in which we invite the people from all over the country and then they are checked up by a psychologists then believe me they will diagnose the DPD in almost all people in the stadium.Today almost all Pakistanis are suffering from Dependent Personality Disorder.They never make decisions themselves and always ask for suggestions.This reminds me a famous quotation of Alexander Dumas

"As a general rule..people ask for advice only in order not to follow it;or if they follow it,in order to have someone to blame for giving it.

You will see in Pakistan everybody saying that"What we can do?We are helpless...The system is like that and it will remain"..blah blah .I often see in my locality , in school when somebody criticises somebody they show the stubborn behaviour and don't take the positives from the criticism,pessimistic people are everywhere in our society ,when something bad happen to them they just want to die.When i ask my friends, students , relatives and even family members about boycotting the system full of Interest(Riba) ...they always say "we can not do any thing","We alone can not do anything".But remember my friend see the history

"The change has always been brought by a one man army... a single person"

When i say somebody that you should condemn the bad act of everyone either it's your elder,your President,President of America ....they say we cannot do that we will become alone,when i ask everybody to protest against the blasphemic movie they are we will become alone in the world ..we can not protest against the super power.Finally the nation who has faced humiliation most are Pakistanis,when they go to any foreign country they are always abused and mistreated from Airport to Universities ,from locality to markets but still Pakistanis go everywhere because they feel nothing as they are suffering from Dependent Personality Disorder.

Self-confidence plays a critical role in self identity and how we carry ourselves.It has been a problem of our society that we open the Holy Quran only for reading not for guidance.We follow Muhammad(S.A.W) only for Rabi ul awal and for the rest of year we follow the good for nothing people.That is why we are, as we are.As Allah the Almighty says in the Holy Qur’an,


Indeed in the Messenger of Allah (Mohammed) you have a good example to follow for him who hopes in (the Meeting with) Allah and the Last Day and remembers Allah much." (Al-Ahzab, 21).

Lets see In Quran and Hadees(Deeds of Muhammad (S.A.W)) that how can we fight against the Dependent Personality Disorder.

1. By Walking faster. People with self-confidence walking more quickly instead of lumbering along and dragging their feet. As reported in Tirmidhi, Abu Huraira (ra) reports:

I did not see anyone more handsome than Rasulullah (saas). It was as if the brightness of the sun had shone from his blessed face. I did not see anyone walk faster than him, as is the earth folded for him. A few moments ago he would be here, and then there. We found it difficult to keep pace when we walked with him and he walked at his normal pace.2. By Standing up straight. During the battle of Uhud, Prophet Mohammed [pbuh] told the army to stand upright and straight, but he saw that Sawad Bin Azziya was not upright in standing, so he ordered him to stand upright. When someone slouches over, he is indicating that he lacks confidence in himself. When you stand up straight, you exhibit self confidence.


3. By Dressing well. Dressing well is not the same thing as looking ostentatious or behaving without humility. The Prophet (s) considered dressing well and looking good as an indicator of the blessings of Allah. As reported in Tafsir Ibn Kathir, he (s) said,

"Allah loves to see the result of His blessing on His creatures."4. By Complimenting others. Umar al Nadi tells us that he went out once with Umar ibn al Khattab’s son. While walking, he found him saluting all whom he met, whether being old or young. Al Hasan al-Basri also said "Shaking hands strengthens brotherhood feelings". The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said "Do not ever waste your good deeds, even by meeting your brother with a frowning face." He said also "Shaking hands removes hatred and exchanging presents enhances love and ends enmity".5. By Self-monitoring. Be honest with yourself about what you can and cannot do, and what you know and what you have yet to learn. It is interesting that Umar (r), one of the most effective Islamic leaders of all times, used to reflect daily what he done, and think about how he could improve.

6. By Being humble. Learn the difference between self-confidence with brashness. In the Qur’an, Allah describes Muslims as follows:

And the servants of ((Allah)) Most Gracious are those who walk on the earth in humility, and when the ignorant address them, they say, "Peace!

Finally i would like to say that "The one who does not Trust in Allah always be in Dependent Personality Disorder"......Follow the above methods and have a confident life.

Thank You.